#1294 Harry Reis - How to Feel Loved: The Five Mindsets That Get You More of What Matters Most
RECORDED ON JULY 17th 2026.
Dr. Harry Reis is Dean’s Professor in Arts and Sciences, and Professor of Psychology at the University of Rochester. Dr. Reis’ research interests involve social interaction and close relationships. Dr. Reis studies the factors that influence the quantity and closeness of social interaction, and the consequences of different patterns of socializing for health and psychological well-being. He is the author (together with Dr. Sonja Lyubomirsky) of How to Feel Loved: The Five Mindsets That Get You More of What Matters Most.
In this episode, we focus on How to Feel Loved. We discuss what is love, and what it is like to feel loved. We talk about the consequences of not feeling loved. We discuss whether there really is a loneliness epidemic, and what constitutes real connection. We tackle five misconceptions about what makes one feel loved. We discuss what it means to “be yourself”, and the importance of reciprocity. We explore the five mindsets to help us get the love we crave. We talk about opening, undersharing, and oversharing. We discuss the influence of culture and gender differences. We discuss whether we can find real connection with AI chatbots. Finally, we talk about polyamory and other consensual non-monogamous relationships.
Time Links:
Intro
What it love? What is it like to feel loved?
The consequences of not feeling loved
Is there a loneliness epidemic?
What is real connection?
Five misconceptions about what makes one feel loved
What does it mean to “be yourself”?
The importance of reciprocity
Five mindsets to help us get the love we crave
Opening up and sharing
The role of culture
Gender differences
Can we find real connection with AI chatbots?
Polyamory and other consensual non-monogamous relationships
Follow Dr. Reis’ work!
Follow Dr. Reis’ work:
Faculty page: https://tinyurl.com/ymetsyu8
ResearchGate profile: https://tinyurl.com/4p7pvbmh
How to Feel Loved: https://tinyurl.com/49e5y86w